a n n i v e r s a r y

^^shortly after we got married, via iphone

In two days, Cameron and I will have been married for one year. I cannot help but to think back and smile, cry, laugh.

I think about when we lived in a tiny studio apartment in an old house last year. At the time I didn't have a job and ends were barely being met. I spent most of my days trying to cool down since we had no A/C. I would keep our screen-less windows open and watch our cat to make sure he didn't try jumping out. (One time he did try and I swear I almost jumped out after him--natural reaction in my cat lady heart) We drove past that old house yesterday on our way to the doctor and we talked about how maybe one day when our baby girl is older we can show her where her dad and mom first lived together. We used to drive past that place and not really even take a second glance at it. But yesterday it looked different. My mind became cluttered with memories from that small little place of ours. It was the place we moved in together after we married. It was the place we had our first married arguments and had no separate room to run way to. It was where I struggled with bouts of depression and anxiety again. It was the place we learned of marital problems family members were going through. It was the place we adopted and lost a kitten. It was the place we painted and made music. It was the place we cooked together. It was the place we laughed and grew. It was the place where we found out we were having our first child.  It was the place everything was stripped away and we really felt together.

I could no longer sleep after Cameron kissed me goodbye and left to work this morning. I think about our child and how I felt like the time would never come where we are just waiting for her to arrive. I think about her face and how perfect it must be. I think of everything leading up to this point in my life and I'm overwhelmed with emotions that I'm not sure have names. I can only feel grateful for my Savior who I know has felt every second of my life with me. Only Him and I know what my life has been and what it could have easily been and what it is like for me now.

Now it is simple-complicated, easy-hard. I have what I need. I have a best friend, partner, husband, lover, companion, supporter. We have a child whom we have not met but love unconditionally. We have the gospel that fills us.

I am bombarded with happiness when I think of the day coming soon where I get to be sealed to Cameron and our little girl and our future children for eternity.

Happy Anniversary -in two days- Cameron. You know how my heart beats for you.

moments // love

yesterday was Cameron's birthday. tomorrow is valentines day. today is the day between the two where I found myself thinking of how grateful I am for him and trying to grasp the amount of love I have for him. that's something I still haven't been able to comprehend. I love that he is always so happy and laughing and fun and romantic and positive and handsome. I made this playlist for him and also for my enjoyment. the first song is a very special song to us. in high school we always said lyrics from it to each other and it was "our song". years later, we learned to play it on the ukulele together. the day Cameron proposed to me, he gave me a card with the song's lyrics written in it. later that night when he proposed the song was playing softly in the background. and lastly, on our wedding day we danced to it for the first time as husband and wife.

kiss the one you love today, remind them how sweet they make your life and thank God for teaching us unconditional love.

every day, i love you from danibennett on 8tracks Radio.

sea of love // cat power

cuddle fuddle // passion pit

i only have eyes for you // summer camp

love love love // of monsters and men

unrequited love // lykke li

reasons to love you // meiko

let your love grow tall // passion pit

just like heaven // katie melua

its calm and cold and snowy and slow around here. lots of snuggles and tea and blankets and baths. 

i could sleep forever it feels like. just sleep until all the days melt into one. baby kicks and moves constantly. if i don't feel her for fifteen minutes it's odd. i have been preparing mentally for birth and for motherhood, not that you can ever fully prepare for these things, and my excitement is getting hard to contain. every time i think about holding her in my arms for the first time i can't help but feel like i am bursting into little pieces of love. life is a beautiful thing. i never thought in a million years my life would be like this right now. it is perfect. our tiny little apartment, our lazy cat, our loud boiler heater, our overflowing laundry baskets and our always practically empty fridge. 

we have started to put together the nursery for baby girl. so far so good. cameron is slowly but surely choosing more pink. i never thought the day would come where we would have pink in our apartment. but, it is kind of precious too. last week i feel like cameron became a father. he finally had all of it hit him that we will soon have a baby here with us to love and care for. he is so excited now and kisses my belly everyday. who knew some newborn size onesies could do such a thing to a man. 

I had been wanting a photo of Cameron and I while I am pregnant so one day we can show our little squirt. We joked about having our cat, Pizza, in the picture but all joking aside he's a part of the family. Things have been very different in our lives lately. During the summertime Cameron wasn't in school and was only working and I was out of a job for a while. Then all at once, school started back up for Cameron and he is still working and I got a new job. Our schedules are both busy and mostly opposite so Sundays are our favorite because we are both home and can be together and catch up. 

About my pregnancy. I am 16 weeks pregnant now and I woke up one day and it was like suddenly the baby appeared! I finally feel pregnant. My morning sickness has gone away, at least it has for the past few days *crossing fingers*. That alone made all the difference. I finally feel normal except I can't sleep comfortably and I am very hungry and thirsty and my skin is dry and my hips hurt and well, you get the point. We find out in 4 weeks if we are having a boy or girl and we cannot wait! We both have an idea of what we feel it's going to be, though. I am so thankful I have been healthy and everything has been fine with the baby thus far. And of course, I am thankful for such an awesome husband who has been taking out the cat litter, doing the laundry and cleaning the dishes because I have been so tired or nauseous or simply because I cannot. He is going to be an awesome father. I daydream about seeing Cameron's face when he first holds our baby and gives it kisses. *heart melting*

b r a a a a p p   b r r a a a p p

Ryan Villipoto #2 took first at Motorcross! Cameron and I were able to go thanks to my Dad.

Go check out what my dad does: www.crfsonly.com or follow on instagram @crfsonlydotcom

S a m p s o n

t i m e   s p e n t   w i t h   c a t s   i s   n e v e r   w a s t e d   

-   s i g m u n d   f r e u d 

Today was our last day with Sampson. He was diagnosed with FIP which is an incurable disease. I cannot explain the heartbreak I feel over not having him around anymore, but I know that he is no longer suffering. He was a joy in my life and I cherish every memory I have of him. I am grateful for a husband who got him for me, giving me the chance to love him for all of his short life and for consoling me throughout today's tears. We love you Sampson, you are in our hearts forever. Can't wait to be with you again. Rest peacefully in kitty heaven. 

BUSY

First, I have to start by announcing: LESS THAN TWO WEEKS UNTIL WE ARE MARRIED!

Okay, now that I've gotten that out I can focus. This week felt unusually long since I was sick. You know that feeling when you know at any second snot could come dripping out of your nose? Yeah, I had that all week. I stayed home one day when I literally couldn't move from my bed and Pizza snuggled me the whole day and gave me nose kisses. He knows when I need extra loves. But now it's Saturday (I'm still sick, but who cares? I don't have work today!)

This upcoming week I will be in a hussle and bussle to get things done!

1. Packing for California- I'll need everything for the bridal shower, the wedding, the honeymoon and all the days in between. Good thing I have a suit case that takes up half of my closet. 

2. Getting my eyelash extensions done-- for the first time ever!

3. Giving Cameron and Pizza lots of kisses to make up for the time I won't be with them.

4. Freaking out (in the excited way) about getting married!

Excited for Cameron to get off work because we are going to try and find me a desk at the D.I. for my craft area. Because without an occasional craft or painting-- I'm going crazy. Hopefully we find one!

AND SO IT BEGINS

With the start of a new life together I decided--we need a blog. A journal of our life from here on out. 

We get married in 25 days *gasp* and we literally cannot wait. With that being said, most all of the planning is done and so we are just waiting around.

 I moved into our future home a week or two ago and it's becoming a home little by little. Cameron has his music making studio as he likes to call it. I, nor Pizza, are allowed in that area. By "area" I mean a desk he found on the side of the road for free and hauled into the place. Pizza has his area too. He sits on top of the bookshelf under the window most of each day or napping on the bed. Right now he is staring in complete awe at the rain hitting the window. It's his first time ever seeing this. Tender moment for a mother *tear*. I will have my area soon, we just need to find another desk and then I can have my arts & crafts area. 

Cameron and I talk about how one day we will look back and laugh at our small little studio that we lived in together when we first got married. But for now, it's perfect.