playing catch up

the months have just flown by and i have been MIA. but with good reason. this girl is the reason, ok. I have a feeling you'll forgive me? thanks.

road trip to idaho

a few months ago cameron had a week off from school and work so we decided to drive up to idaho to visit my family and explore around a little bit. it was really a fun adventure to get away for a while with norah in tow. here are a few pictures we took from the trip. better late than never?

2 w e e k s

time flies. i can't believe norah is already 2 weeks old. she loves to eat and wiggle and make noises while she sleeps. she tries lifting her head up and can flare her nostrils just like her mama. she spreads her long little toes and seems to always have her pinky finger up - classy.

cameron and i are both smitten by her. we are also very tired around here. lots of naps, hulu watching and early bedtimes. some moments i feel completely run down and cameron swoops in and sends me off to take a long shower and even a nap (!!!!) while he watches norah. thank you, husband.

we love her more than we can ever put into words.

p.s. thank you cameron and jake for the photos.

Norah Pearl Bennett / Birth Story

My due date was April 28th and it had already gone and passed. It's a strange feeling waking up days after your due date and still not having a baby. I found myself in tears at least once a day with a prayer in my heart that the right time would be soon. On Sunday, May 4th I felt that my water might be leaking, so Cameron and I headed to the hospital around 3 pm. They checked and my water had not broken. I felt disappointed. I had been scheduled for an induction that night and hoped I would naturally go into labor before then. The hours were running out though and since I was already at the hospital Cameron and I along with our doctor decided to begin inducing labor right then.

My doctor came and broke my water, informed me I was 4 cm dilated and then allowed me one hour to begin having natural contractions before turning to Pitocin. No contractions. Pitocin was given to me the next hour. Slowly I began to contract. I moved from the bed to a rocking chair to a birthing ball to the wall to Cameron. Nothing seemed to be helpful. The contractions were coming every minute or two. I wanted to walk or get in the tub but because of the Pitocin I had to be monitored at all times. I was disappointed but it had been 4 hours so I thought maybe if I had made progress it would give me the push I needed to continue.

I was still 4 cm dilated. Not what I wanted to hear but I just kept working with the pain. I was breathing the way I had practiced for so long. My mom was rubbing and pushing on my back and knees. I was thinking of my baby and reminding myself that I was strong. The pain increased and the contractions grew closer together. I sat on a birthing ball with Cameron in front of me encouraging me through each contraction. I was exhausted. I started to become dizzy and nauseous so I got back into the bed afraid I might lose balance on the ball. It had been another 4 hours so I figured I must be progressing and wanted to be checked. The nurse again said I was still 4 cm. 

My dizziness, chills, nausea and overall pain became unbearable. I was exhausted with no signs of progression. In between contractions I began telling Cameron I wasn't sure I could continue like this. He talked with me, encouraged me and then eventually allowed me to make my decision. I told the nurse I wanted an epidural. She too also talked with me to make sure I was positive this was what I wanted after all. The anesthesiologist was in my room in a matter of minutes. He put my epidural in and within fifteen minutes my lower half became numb. The pressure was still there, but the pain went away. I was able to fall asleep for about 4 hours. When I woke up the pressure was really intense. I was checked and I had dilated to 4.5 cm.

I could feel the pressure increasing rapidly and told my nurse. She checked me again and within a short time I progressed from 4.5 to 5 to 6 to 7. The next few hours are a little bit blurry. My contractions were strong and the pressure was so strong I became nauseous and began getting chills. My temperature was rising and I was getting a fever. I was given antibiotics through my IV to help decrease any risk of infection. I fell asleep for a few minutes only to wake up vomiting. I felt much better after throwing up and I wanted to push. I told my nurse I wanted to push but I wasn't completely effaced. One side of my cervix was still there and they were worried it could tear if I began pushing. I wanted to push so badly, the pressure was telling me to push. Finally the nurse decided we could try pushing. 

With my Mom helping push my back forward and Cameron holding one of my legs and the nurse holding my other leg I began to push. Our baby began moving down and I could feel her coming closer to us. Cameron reached down and touched her head and then so did I. I wanted her to be here so badly. I pushed harder. She began to crown and finally within a few more pushes she was out. The umbilical cord was very short so Cameron cut the cord and then they lifted her up and placed her on my chest. She was perfect. I was a mother. Cameron was a father. She was here. And she was ours.

She was born at 9:18 am on Monday, May 5th 2014 weighing 7lbs 15oz and was 20 inches long. Her name is Norah Pearl Bennett. 

All 18 hours of labor to get her here were the most challenging hours of my life. The amount of prayers I had in my heart are countless. The love and support I felt from my Dad who was there for the beginning of my labor, my Mom who was there from start to finish and from Cameron who was there every second was immeasurable. I am changed forever. Norah is filling my heart with a love I never knew before.

a n n i v e r s a r y

^^shortly after we got married, via iphone

In two days, Cameron and I will have been married for one year. I cannot help but to think back and smile, cry, laugh.

I think about when we lived in a tiny studio apartment in an old house last year. At the time I didn't have a job and ends were barely being met. I spent most of my days trying to cool down since we had no A/C. I would keep our screen-less windows open and watch our cat to make sure he didn't try jumping out. (One time he did try and I swear I almost jumped out after him--natural reaction in my cat lady heart) We drove past that old house yesterday on our way to the doctor and we talked about how maybe one day when our baby girl is older we can show her where her dad and mom first lived together. We used to drive past that place and not really even take a second glance at it. But yesterday it looked different. My mind became cluttered with memories from that small little place of ours. It was the place we moved in together after we married. It was the place we had our first married arguments and had no separate room to run way to. It was where I struggled with bouts of depression and anxiety again. It was the place we learned of marital problems family members were going through. It was the place we adopted and lost a kitten. It was the place we painted and made music. It was the place we cooked together. It was the place we laughed and grew. It was the place where we found out we were having our first child.  It was the place everything was stripped away and we really felt together.

I could no longer sleep after Cameron kissed me goodbye and left to work this morning. I think about our child and how I felt like the time would never come where we are just waiting for her to arrive. I think about her face and how perfect it must be. I think of everything leading up to this point in my life and I'm overwhelmed with emotions that I'm not sure have names. I can only feel grateful for my Savior who I know has felt every second of my life with me. Only Him and I know what my life has been and what it could have easily been and what it is like for me now.

Now it is simple-complicated, easy-hard. I have what I need. I have a best friend, partner, husband, lover, companion, supporter. We have a child whom we have not met but love unconditionally. We have the gospel that fills us.

I am bombarded with happiness when I think of the day coming soon where I get to be sealed to Cameron and our little girl and our future children for eternity.

Happy Anniversary -in two days- Cameron. You know how my heart beats for you.

s p r i n g

i am sitting in our bedroom writing this with all the windows open and the warm sun beating down on me. pizza is laying out on the balcony soaking up all the sun. i have my shirt pulled up so baby girl can feel the warmth too. i am hoping that tells her the time for us to meet is close. we are two and a half weeks away from being 40 weeks and i am so ready to meet her. 

monday i woke up and was sleeping almost completely on my stomach. i immediately was confused how my body allowed me to do that and also why i hadn't woken up the second i rolled over. i got up from bed and ate breakfast. a few hours passed and i hadn't felt her move. i suddenly got an overwhelming feeling that told me i needed to do something. i tried pushing on her, doing squats, walking around--anything to feel her move. but, nothing. cameron was at work, so i called our friend brett to take me to the hospital. after arriving i was hooked up to some monitors. the second i heard her heartbeat on the monitor i was immediately relived. it was such a comforting sound. i was asked to stay on the monitors for an hour and to see if she would start moving. brett left to work, so i was alone in a huge hospital room with her heartbeat playing on the speakers. i prayed to god that everything would be okay and if it was to show me. that very second she kicked. it had been about a half hour or so-- it was about 2:30 pm. it was my first time feeling her since i had gone to sleep the night before. i was so relieved and began thanking god for the continuous blessings her pours over our family. i laid in that hospital bed, in the hospital i will give birth to our girl and i felt so close to her. i will see her face in that same building soon. each little movement she makes now feels like a blessing and a reminder to me that god is almighty and always listening to my cries for help. pregnancy is hard, there is no doubt about that, but i have learned it can be enjoyed and accepted. i try to not complain about the pain or being uncomfortable because i am blessed to have a body that can conceive a child, grow a child and soon birth a child. we are blessed to have the ability to create a family.

side note: baby has been moving normal since that day and there are no worries.

its calm and cold and snowy and slow around here. lots of snuggles and tea and blankets and baths. 

i could sleep forever it feels like. just sleep until all the days melt into one. baby kicks and moves constantly. if i don't feel her for fifteen minutes it's odd. i have been preparing mentally for birth and for motherhood, not that you can ever fully prepare for these things, and my excitement is getting hard to contain. every time i think about holding her in my arms for the first time i can't help but feel like i am bursting into little pieces of love. life is a beautiful thing. i never thought in a million years my life would be like this right now. it is perfect. our tiny little apartment, our lazy cat, our loud boiler heater, our overflowing laundry baskets and our always practically empty fridge. 

we have started to put together the nursery for baby girl. so far so good. cameron is slowly but surely choosing more pink. i never thought the day would come where we would have pink in our apartment. but, it is kind of precious too. last week i feel like cameron became a father. he finally had all of it hit him that we will soon have a baby here with us to love and care for. he is so excited now and kisses my belly everyday. who knew some newborn size onesies could do such a thing to a man. 

Cameron and I are seriously so excited to be having a little baby girl. My heart is just bursting. I have not been able to stop thinking about her and talking about her. Last night I couldn't go to sleep because of my excitement. Cameron finally said, "it's so cute how excited you are but you need to go to bed". Ha. There is such a different connection already just knowing she is a girl. I love to talk to her, rub my belly and feel her. She has absolutely no idea how much she is already loved. We have had such a huge outpouring of love from so many people after finding out yesterday. I cannot explain how blessed I feel that God is sending us a sweet baby girl. 

 Cameron and I love to go on hikes, but ever since I got pregnant I have had so little energy I have been opting out. Lately though, with a little more energy than before, I have been back into the swing of things. We went on a stroll up Memory Grove Park by the State Capitol building. It's always a good one and we always get to see the cutest doggies. We talked a lot about baby names and took guesses if our little one is a boy or girl. We are so excited and cannot wait to find out. A week from today and we will know. Anyways, here are a few photos of us on our little hike...

I am feeling better than I have felt in.... 18 weeks.
I have more energy, I have semi-figured out the whole sleeping thing, I am craving really good things and I am feeling motherly (examples: I have rearranged the living room, gotten us a Christmas tree, invited family over for a Thanksgiving celebration and I suddenly don't mind cleaning)
We have another check up appointment on Wednesday and then our next appointment is December 11th, where we find out if its a boy or girl! We are getting so excited and feeling more prepared (mentally).

I had been wanting a photo of Cameron and I while I am pregnant so one day we can show our little squirt. We joked about having our cat, Pizza, in the picture but all joking aside he's a part of the family. Things have been very different in our lives lately. During the summertime Cameron wasn't in school and was only working and I was out of a job for a while. Then all at once, school started back up for Cameron and he is still working and I got a new job. Our schedules are both busy and mostly opposite so Sundays are our favorite because we are both home and can be together and catch up. 

About my pregnancy. I am 16 weeks pregnant now and I woke up one day and it was like suddenly the baby appeared! I finally feel pregnant. My morning sickness has gone away, at least it has for the past few days *crossing fingers*. That alone made all the difference. I finally feel normal except I can't sleep comfortably and I am very hungry and thirsty and my skin is dry and my hips hurt and well, you get the point. We find out in 4 weeks if we are having a boy or girl and we cannot wait! We both have an idea of what we feel it's going to be, though. I am so thankful I have been healthy and everything has been fine with the baby thus far. And of course, I am thankful for such an awesome husband who has been taking out the cat litter, doing the laundry and cleaning the dishes because I have been so tired or nauseous or simply because I cannot. He is going to be an awesome father. I daydream about seeing Cameron's face when he first holds our baby and gives it kisses. *heart melting*

I just knew it, my body and my heart were telling me. I took 4 pregnancy tests in one day, all saying positive. Then Cameron finally believed me. It was a total shock. There were tears, doubts, smiles and fears. We slowly got excited to be having a little child. We have laid in bed so many nights and laughed about things we would say in high school to each other and feeling like they are coming true. We are going to be a family and we can cuddle every night and being married to each other is the best, just like we had hoped for at so young of an age.

I am 11 weeks pregnant now and it has been really hard. Making a human is hard work but I never wish I wasn't pregnant with this baby. I am realizing what it means to have a motherly love. I would do anything for this little baby and we don't even know if it is a boy or girl yet! 

I have a husband who is so sweet to me and a husband who is so excited and loving towards our baby and a husband who treats my cat like it is our child. He is just the best ever. I feel overwhelmed and excited to be a mother and be expecting a child. My life is so precious and I feel undeserving of it at times. 

This is by far the fastest and easiest meal I have ever made. Not to mention it made almost no mess since it only required me to use a pot, knife, and measuring spoons. It was absolutely delicious too. I hate having to watch a meal while I cook it. But with this recipe your put everything into the pot, cover it and within ten minutes you're eating it. I didn't buy basil because it is kind of expensive so my pasta was more of a tomato, onion and cheese pasta but it was delicious. Next time I will splurge on the basil or do spinach! 

This makes enough for leftovers too, which is always my goal when cooking. 

recipe and photo credit

ONE POT WONDER TOMATO BASIL PASTA

Serves 4 to 6 as an entree

12 ounces linguine pasta
1 can (15 ounces) diced tomatoes with liquid (I used fire roasted flavor)
1 large sweet onion, cut in julienne strips (I only did half an onion since Cameron isn't a fan)
4 cloves garlic, thinly sliced
1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes (if you don't have these or oregano use anything you've got)
2 teaspoons dried oregano leaves
2 large sprigs basil, chopped (I didn't use any because it was expensive, next time I'll do spinach)
4 1/2 cups vegetable(chicken) broth (I only used two cans which is approx 4 cups)
2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
Parmesan cheese for garnish

Place pasta, tomatoes, onion, garlic, basil, in a large stock pot. Pour in vegetable broth. Sprinkle on top the pepper flakes and oregano. Drizzle top with oil.

Cover pot and bring to a boil. Reduce to a low simmer and keep covered and cook for about 10 minutes, stirring every 2 minutes or so. Cook until almost all liquid has evaporated – I left about an inch of liquid in the bottom of the pot – but you can reduce as desired .

Season to taste with salt and pepper , stirring pasta several times to distribute the liquid in the bottom of the pot. Serve garnished with parmesan cheese.

Made this for dinner tonight and it was to die for! I did change a few things from the recipe and directions though. It weirds me out to put raw meat into the rest of my broth so I baked my chicken while I started to chop up the celery, onion, jalapeno and garlic. I started to cook the broth and then when my chicken was done I shredded it and threw it in the pot. This minimized the cooking time because I didn't have to let the soup and raw chicken cook for an hour. Also, the recipe calls for 6 cups of chicken broth but I put in 10 cups (5 cans) because I like my soup with a lot of broth and I felt like for how much stuff was in the soup it could use more broth. Not to mention, I'd do anything for leftovers (easy lunch for the next day). 

recipe and photo credit

I've added my changes into the recipe in red.

Ingredients

• 2 Tbsp olive oil 
• 1 medium yellow onion
• 2 stalks celery
• 1 medium jalapeno 
• 4 cloves garlic 
• ¾ lb. chicken breast (cooked and shredded)
• 6 cups chicken broth (10 cups)
• 1 (14.5 oz.) can diced tomatoes w/chiles 
• 1 tsp oregano 
• ½ Tbsp cumin 
• 1 medium lime 
• ½ bunch cilantro 
• 1 medium avocado 

Instructions

1. Dice the onion, celery, and jalapeno (scrape the seeds out of the jalapeno before dicing). Mince the garlic. Cook the onion, celery, jalapeno, and garlic in olive oil over medium heat for about 5 minutes or until tender.
2. Add the chicken breast (cooked and shredded), chicken broth, canned tomatoes with chiles, oregano, and cumin to the pot. Bring the whole pot up to a boil over high heat then reduce the heat to low, place a lid on top, and let simmer for one hour (10-20 mins).
3. After simmering for an hour (10-20 mins) with a lid on, carefully remove the chicken breast from the pot and use two forks to shred the meat. Return the meat to the pot (You've already done this if you did it my way). Squeeze the juice of one lime into the soup (I used half a lemon in my bowl alone). Get as much juice as possible from the lime by using a spoon to scrape the inside of the lime.
4. Rinse the cilantro and then roughly chop the leaves. Add to the pot (add to your bowl so the cilantro doesn't get soggy in the pot), give it a quick stir, and serve. Dice the avocado and add a few chunks to each bowl.

Enjoy! 

Cameron, Pizza and I moved into a new apartment this last week. We were lucky to find something close to Cameron's school, bigger than our last place, has separate rooms (we were in a studio before), and at a cheaper price. We're still living out of boxes pretty much and sadly I don't feel motivated to unpack. Our first place together I was so antsy to get unpacked and decorate. This time around, not so much. Kinda hoping some fairy will show up and do it for me. Pizza seems to like it here, especially the balcony. Cameron starts school soon, his sister Lauren gets married soon and we get to go to California soon. Lots to look forward to!

b r a a a a p p   b r r a a a p p

Ryan Villipoto #2 took first at Motorcross! Cameron and I were able to go thanks to my Dad.

Go check out what my dad does: www.crfsonly.com or follow on instagram @crfsonlydotcom

S a m p s o n

t i m e   s p e n t   w i t h   c a t s   i s   n e v e r   w a s t e d   

-   s i g m u n d   f r e u d 

Today was our last day with Sampson. He was diagnosed with FIP which is an incurable disease. I cannot explain the heartbreak I feel over not having him around anymore, but I know that he is no longer suffering. He was a joy in my life and I cherish every memory I have of him. I am grateful for a husband who got him for me, giving me the chance to love him for all of his short life and for consoling me throughout today's tears. We love you Sampson, you are in our hearts forever. Can't wait to be with you again. Rest peacefully in kitty heaven.