m o m e n t s

beading bracelets to pass the time or "braceleting" as cameron would say // new shoes from cameron encourage me to walk // 38 week belly photo // pizza is on neighborhood watch this week // enjoying our little sunny space in silence // checking out my husband, he's cute // nursery is all ready to go

photos were taking with my iphone4 AKA bad quality

s p r i n g

i am sitting in our bedroom writing this with all the windows open and the warm sun beating down on me. pizza is laying out on the balcony soaking up all the sun. i have my shirt pulled up so baby girl can feel the warmth too. i am hoping that tells her the time for us to meet is close. we are two and a half weeks away from being 40 weeks and i am so ready to meet her. 

monday i woke up and was sleeping almost completely on my stomach. i immediately was confused how my body allowed me to do that and also why i hadn't woken up the second i rolled over. i got up from bed and ate breakfast. a few hours passed and i hadn't felt her move. i suddenly got an overwhelming feeling that told me i needed to do something. i tried pushing on her, doing squats, walking around--anything to feel her move. but, nothing. cameron was at work, so i called our friend brett to take me to the hospital. after arriving i was hooked up to some monitors. the second i heard her heartbeat on the monitor i was immediately relived. it was such a comforting sound. i was asked to stay on the monitors for an hour and to see if she would start moving. brett left to work, so i was alone in a huge hospital room with her heartbeat playing on the speakers. i prayed to god that everything would be okay and if it was to show me. that very second she kicked. it had been about a half hour or so-- it was about 2:30 pm. it was my first time feeling her since i had gone to sleep the night before. i was so relieved and began thanking god for the continuous blessings her pours over our family. i laid in that hospital bed, in the hospital i will give birth to our girl and i felt so close to her. i will see her face in that same building soon. each little movement she makes now feels like a blessing and a reminder to me that god is almighty and always listening to my cries for help. pregnancy is hard, there is no doubt about that, but i have learned it can be enjoyed and accepted. i try to not complain about the pain or being uncomfortable because i am blessed to have a body that can conceive a child, grow a child and soon birth a child. we are blessed to have the ability to create a family.

side note: baby has been moving normal since that day and there are no worries.

i am now 31 weeks along in my pregnancy and woah, my belly looks big! i received my first few stretch marks last week and naturally i was disappointed, but then i accepted them and feel kind of proud to have them. it's a reminder of our healthy, growing baby inside of me and how every second we are witnessing a miracle. its still unreal to me that one day i wont have this belly and instead we'll have a baby. the day is getting closer and closer and i feel ready to take on whatever it is that will be required of me as a mother. and i know cameron feels the same about being a father. nothing is sweeter than him kissing my belly before he leaves to work or school and then  first thing when he gets home.

i cannot wait to shower our baby girl with all the love my heart has. i often go into the nursery and just imagine in my mind what it will feel like when i go in there to a crib with a sleeping baby in it. what it will feel like to have her on the changing table putting her into a little outfit handpicked just for her. i imagine laying in bed and peeping my eyes open to see her sleeping peacefully in a bassinet next to us. my mind seems to always be wandering to these dreams of being with our girl. and soon, these won't be dreams. i feel overwhelmingly grateful that god has entrusted cameron and i to be earthly parents of his child.

moments // pondering

this morning cameron doesn't have school or work so he was able to sleep in. i woke up because my hips were killing me, so i filled the tub with warm water and laid in there for at least an hour. i laid in the tub, tickling my belly, knowing in 10 weeks we could be holding our baby girl. i thought about what her birth will be like, what color eyes she will have, if she will have cameron's toes. then i started to ponder what kind of relationship i want with her, what kinda of parent i will be and how i can better myself for her. all of these things are overwhelming, excited and will not all be answered for some time. but i am so excited for the journey of parenthood to begin and to meet and love our girl.

i am feeling much better after figuring out this whole anemia thing. my pregnancy is getting more and more uncomfortable by the day at this point but i can't complain. our little girl is so active and constantly swimming, flailing, kicking, head-butting and booty-bumping. it can be bothersome at times, but i love knowing she's there.

i have started working less days a week. i've gone from working 5 days a week to working just 3. it has made a huge difference. my body was so tired and achy before and now I am usually just tired, not so achy.

learned I am anemic which has been the cause of my dizzy spells, headaches & complete lack of energy. should be back to normal in a week or so with help of iron supplements and a special diet. until then, these fluffy pillows and warm blanket will be my best friends.

its calm and cold and snowy and slow around here. lots of snuggles and tea and blankets and baths. 

i could sleep forever it feels like. just sleep until all the days melt into one. baby kicks and moves constantly. if i don't feel her for fifteen minutes it's odd. i have been preparing mentally for birth and for motherhood, not that you can ever fully prepare for these things, and my excitement is getting hard to contain. every time i think about holding her in my arms for the first time i can't help but feel like i am bursting into little pieces of love. life is a beautiful thing. i never thought in a million years my life would be like this right now. it is perfect. our tiny little apartment, our lazy cat, our loud boiler heater, our overflowing laundry baskets and our always practically empty fridge. 

we have started to put together the nursery for baby girl. so far so good. cameron is slowly but surely choosing more pink. i never thought the day would come where we would have pink in our apartment. but, it is kind of precious too. last week i feel like cameron became a father. he finally had all of it hit him that we will soon have a baby here with us to love and care for. he is so excited now and kisses my belly everyday. who knew some newborn size onesies could do such a thing to a man. 

p r e g n a n c y d r e a m s

photo credit

Last night I had a dream that was very vivid. I dreamed I was rushed into the hospital two days before expecting our child and was ready to deliver. The baby was then taken to the NICU and had to stay there for five days before Cameron and I could even hold her. I cried and cried and cried. I had felt robbed of my birthing experience because things hadn't gone as planned and then I couldn't even have my baby. Finally when we held her she had dark brown hair with hazel eyes and she was so small and perfect. She was wrapped in a pink and white striped blanket and I wanted to take her out of it and see every part of her. I was in love with her. She was a miracle.

Although this was all a dream, and pregnant women have their share of crazy dreams, it spoke to me. I can read and read my birthing books and have a plan and expect everything to go a certain way. But sometimes that doesn't happen. And it's okay. Just seeing her little face in my dream is enough to let me know I just need her. It's all about her.

Pregnancy is an amazing thing. It's hard, exhausting and can be painful but I just continue on because I love our little girl so much and it's all worth it for her. Certain things make it all a little easier. Like lavender baths, foot massages, peppermint essential oil, stretching, cuddles with my kitty. More than all of that seeing pictures of her, seeing my belly move because of her strong kicks or her hiccups. Pregnancy, entering motherhood and how much I love her is such an overwhelming feeling I will probably never be able to describe. Now I get the concept of  motherly love. I can't wait to have her here with us.

m u s t h a v e

My second trimester of pregnancy and all I can think is.... MOISTURE. I am so dry and itchy. My skin is stretching in all directions. It doesn't help that it's winter and Salt Lake City is naturally dry. So, I thought I would share some of my favorite moisturizing products that are all reasonably priced.

face

1. Lush Full of Grace

2. e.l.f. Daily Moisturizing Stick

lips

3. eos chapstick

4. NYX Matte Lipstick in Strawberry Milk

body

5. Palmer's Massage Lotion for Stretch Marks

6. Neutrogena Body Oil

1. Lush Full of Grace // This stuff lasts forever. It's so moisturizing but doesn't over-do it. I can put it on before my makeup and it doesn't make my makeup runny or oily. It is also free of all preservatives. It's also great for nipple cream and can even be used once the baby comes along for dry cheeks-- on their face and bum.

2. e.l.f. Daily Moisturizing Stick // I love throwing this in my purse and going. I can rub it on my face throughout the day at work when I notice my forehead is peeling or my nose or whatever else. You can even use it on cuticles, elbows, etc.

lips

3. eos chapstick // I am addicted to eos chapsticks. I never lose it like a normal chapstick because of it's shape, they all smell good and it lasts on my lips forever.

4. NYX Matte Lipstick in Strawberry Milk // If I wear lipstick I love it to be matte finish. I don't like the shiny stuff. This lipstick is not only matte but it is still moisturizing. I don't feel like I have chalk lips all day.

body

5. Palmer's Massage Lotion for Stretch Marks // Okay, seriously I think I will be using this stuff for the rest of my life. It is so thick and creamy and yummy. It does exactly what I want it to. I have only gotten two little stretch marks and when I did I ran and got this and they are slowly going away. I rub it all over my girls, tummy, thighs and behind everyday and I feel so moisturized. I no longer itch and feel like I am a balloon waiting to pop.

6. Neutrogena Body Oil // Love the smell, feel and the idea of it. Body Oil seems so luxurious to me. I rub this all over after I hop out of a hot (not too hot for the baby) shower. My body soaks it up and I feel and smell soft. (Mix with some lavender essential oils too for a good nights rest)