^^shortly after we got married, via iphone
I think about when we lived in a tiny studio apartment in an old house last year. At the time I didn't have a job and ends were barely being met. I spent most of my days trying to cool down since we had no A/C. I would keep our screen-less windows open and watch our cat to make sure he didn't try jumping out. (One time he did try and I swear I almost jumped out after him--natural reaction in my cat lady heart) We drove past that old house yesterday on our way to the doctor and we talked about how maybe one day when our baby girl is older we can show her where her dad and mom first lived together. We used to drive past that place and not really even take a second glance at it. But yesterday it looked different. My mind became cluttered with memories from that small little place of ours. It was the place we moved in together after we married. It was the place we had our first married arguments and had no separate room to run way to. It was where I struggled with bouts of depression and anxiety again. It was the place we learned of marital problems family members were going through. It was the place we adopted and lost a kitten. It was the place we painted and made music. It was the place we cooked together. It was the place we laughed and grew. It was the place where we found out we were having our first child. It was the place everything was stripped away and we really felt together.
I could no longer sleep after Cameron kissed me goodbye and left to work this morning. I think about our child and how I felt like the time would never come where we are just waiting for her to arrive. I think about her face and how perfect it must be. I think of everything leading up to this point in my life and I'm overwhelmed with emotions that I'm not sure have names. I can only feel grateful for my Savior who I know has felt every second of my life with me. Only Him and I know what my life has been and what it could have easily been and what it is like for me now.
Now it is simple-complicated, easy-hard. I have what I need. I have a best friend, partner, husband, lover, companion, supporter. We have a child whom we have not met but love unconditionally. We have the gospel that fills us.
I am bombarded with happiness when I think of the day coming soon where I get to be sealed to Cameron and our little girl and our future children for eternity.
Happy Anniversary -in two days- Cameron. You know how my heart beats for you.