n e e d s

It was 5:30am and I had already been up with Norah for an hour. She was crying for reasons I couldn't figure out. I was so tired and getting frustrated. Cameron was getting ready for work and I was saying things like " I can't do this" and "she can just cry then." My eyes could hardly stay opened and my patience was running thin. The more frustrated I got, the more she seemed to cry. Finally I broke down in tears praying I would know what to do. I cried and Norah looked me in the eyes and it felt like she knew. Like she could hear my prayer. I told her out loud how sorry I was for being mean and getting frustrated and she stopped crying, shut her eyes and fell asleep. 
I think about how much she needs from me. She completely relies on me to feed her, change her diapers, bathe her, clothe her, swaddle her, comfort her, burp her, love her. But what I realized that morning was I need her too. She humbles me and reminds me that it's okay to cry and feel like I don't know what I'm doing. I'm not expected to be a perfect mother, but I am expected to do my very best. She reminds me to pray and ask for help and thank Him for the blessing of motherhood. She teaches me patience and selflessness. She slows me down so I can enjoy the little moments. She reminds me of innocence and purity.  She reminds me that I am a child of God. She strengthens my faith in myself and Christ. She shows me true, unconditional love. 

God knows I need her much more than she needs me. 

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