I think anybody who is a mother can relate to feeling like you've lost yourself to motherhood. You put yourself on the back burner a bit. I bathe, dress and feed Norah before I ever do those things for myself. She is my first thought always. Her happiness is the most important thing. It seems like every few months I have a meltdown where I am suddenly overwhelmed with thoughts like "what am I going to do with my life?"
Last night I was having my quarterly identity crisis saying things like,"who am I?", "what am I even doing with my life?", "what do I want to be?", etc. and after my bouts of selfishness Norah suddenly woke up crying really loud and Cameron jumped up out of bed to go grab her from her crib. I got up as well to help find her binky in her crib and the second I got close, even in the complete darkness, she knew I was near and reached her body towards me. I grabbed her and she laid her head on my shoulder and immediately stopped crying and fell back asleep in a second. I got into bed holding her while she held onto me with a tight grip but still so calm. I began to slowly cry and said out loud, "I love her so much my heart is going to explode. I got my answer."
God knows exactly who I am meant to be. He knows who I can become. He knows my purpose. Right now I am doing exactly what I need to be doing. Raising, loving and caring for our sweet Norah. I needed that reminder right then and He gave me that.